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When I am depressed, I have to reach out, sometimes at in the morning and ask someone if I can sleep on their couch, because I am that scared. In an article written by John Grohol, Psy. D, entitled The Power of the Will To Live , he explains that in anticipation of pivotal events, such as holidays or birthdays, people have the capacity to hold on a bit longer, if they are facing death. Is it fear of death, self -preservation or purpose that keeps the heart beating? Each person responds in a different manner to the occurrence. A therapist who has worked with clients who have either expressed suicidality or acted on the commensurate impulse to end his or her life, observed that what prevented someone from following through with the outcome that led to death, was a stated will to live.

Others have said that they are continuing to live for their dog or cat. She noted that learned resilience was a key factor.

How to Find Out If Your Relationship is the Will of God

When people are able to look back at life events and determine that they have survived each of them, they are better equipped to move forward. In conversation with someone in crisis, she asked what had gotten him through previous challenges. He had learned helplessness that was no longer serving him. He reported that relying on his parents was his M.

Now that his father has died and his mother is in a nursing home, he needs to formulate a new strategy. The will to live is a powerful force that can be generated and sustained in the face of love. Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a journalist and interviewer, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, radio host and best-selling author. The Will to Live.

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He knew how to discern. But he was volitionally weak and unable to resist the tug of attraction into wrong behavior. I have shared the following story many times over the years. Those from parts of the world where this is foreign shake their heads in disbelief, wondering how this can even be theoretically plausible, let alone practically workable. But read the reasoning first and then I will try to explain. I give you an example of my older brother, who lives in Toronto, Canada. The story dates back to the late s. At that time he was a systems engineer with IBM.

Since that time, he has gone on to do several very impressive things in the world of computer software. In other words, he is mentally all right. I say that because you may begin to wonder as I tell his story. I guess I am ready now. Would you please begin a search for a girl for me to marry? We were living in Toronto, thousands of miles and a cultural planet away from the land of our birth.

But this was his choice.

Losing The Will To Love | As Life Like As.

Thus began his quest and what I called our family entertainment hour every night around the table. My father wrote to his sister, and in response came numerous letters with suggestions, photographs, and information sheets ad nauseam. The jokes that would fly! The unsolicited advice from every member of the family was profuse. The sarcasm, wondering whether this poor woman had the faintest clue of his shortcomings!

From my experience with photographs I have learned that if you find a good photographer and pay him enough, he can make anybody look splendid. One of the first things people do when you arrive for a speaking event is to compare the reality with your publicity photograph. The camera can and does lie. Look at the description. Finally, believe it or not, they both felt this was it. The dates for the engagement and the marriage were set with these two never having met.

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My brother and my father flew from Toronto to Bombay. More than one thousand wedding invitations were sent before my brother and his bride-to-be had ever seen each other. Two days after his arrival was the engagement date and a day or so later was the wedding date.

I thought to myself, Oh my! You know, this is faith. Maybe it is even less than that. This is credulity! I began to get really concerned, so before my brother left for Bombay, I mustered up the courage to caution him. What are you going to do when you arrive in Bombay, come down the Jetway and see a young woman standing there with a garland in her hand, and say to yourself, Good grief!

What on earth will you do? The wedding is off.

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My brother just stared at me. And if you will to love somebody, you can.

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That statement brought our conversation to a sudden stop. That was thirty-five years ago. My brother and his wife now have three children and make their home in Toronto. Has it been easy? Marriage never is easy. But the challenges they face do not come from an absence of commitment.

It is a little bit like ordering somebody to love you. How does one go beyond the discernment to the practice? If knowledge does not guarantee behavior, where does one go to translate the prerequisite into action? Can it really be done? The first thing to bear in mind is that we exaggerate the separation of the emotion and the will as two distinct faculties of operation—some kind of misshapen two-headed monster.

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Think, for example, of the caricature we make of one difference between men and women. We seem to think that women are more emotionally driven and men more cerebrally driven. If that caricature were true, why is it that more men fall into infidelity after marriage than do women? If women are more emotionally driven, should it not be the other way around? I think it more appropriate to say that women in general recognize the emotional ramifications of their acts better than men do.

Men do feel emotion, but they do so selectively and fail to face the consequences of reality. Betray a man and you find out that his emotions surge to the top. I believe that a legitimate understanding of what is happening here can preserve the grand union between emotion and will. Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both. We like the side dealing with emotion, not the will. I have now been married more than thirty years. I often look back at the time when I was on the other side of the marital line and remember how I thought about marriage then.

One particular conversation stands out. A year before I was married, I was sitting in a Christian education class when the professor quite dramatically started to philosophize about life. One year later I was married.

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After being married all these years, I can unblushingly say, he was right. Love is hard work. I would carry it one step further. It is the hardest work I know of, work from which you are never entitled to take a vacation. You take on burdens and cares. You inherit problems.

You have to feel beyond yourself. You have to think of things other than yourself. Your responsibilities are now multiplied, and you are trusted with greater commitments. You see, the easiest part of our marriage was the wedding ceremony. I remember arriving at the church early.